Why Dress Codes Don't Work

I believe in absolutes.

Many people no longer believe me when I say that because I've finally vocalized how, not only am I no longer a fundamentalist, but I am also a feminist.

But I do believe in absolutes.

Unfortunately, today I will not be talking about one of those absolutes.

Today I am talking about modesty.

I don't believe there are absolutes in modesty.

The definition of modest attire changes between historic periods, cultures, and religions. In some cultures, women don't wear shirts at all, and are not considered immodest. In some cultures, women would never dream of exposing their knees in public, but bare their mid-drifts on a regular basis.

At church camps when I was a teenager, we had a strict dress code, outline by the "Eight B's." I don't remember all eight things. I know some of them were that we weren't supposed to expose the belly button (even when raising our arms), bare shoulders, bra straps, bedroom wear (i.e. pajama bottoms), and many other things.

I think strict dress codes are ridiculous and sexist. I also believe they help perpetuate victim blaming and rape culture.

You see, at these camps I have referred to, the girls were expected to cover everything up. Whilst swimming, t-shirts had to be worn by the women at all times, sometimes even if she was wearing a one piece.

Guys could wear whatever.

The biggest fear of those running the camp was that the guys (who had separate swim times) would happen to glance over at the lake and see a woman in a bathing suit. It was the girls' job to cover up to keep the men from lusting after her body at this point.

This was one of the most confusing times of my young life. I constantly was barraged with this message, the message that the female form was inherently evil. This message was of course not often delivered in so many terms, but it was there all the same. I was constantly told that my Christian brothers would lust if they saw too much of my skin.

Guys could wear whatever when they went swimming. They were never even required to wear a shirt. When this was challenged, the answer was basically that “Well, girls shouldn't be looking/lusting anyway.” At the time, it seemed pretty logical to me.

Wait, WHAT???

Girls had to cover up EVERYTHING to protect the men, but girls shouldn't look AT ALL or be moved by what they see in any way at all??

Friends, this is what I have a problem with.

There’s this undercurrent in Christian and secular culture that basically says “Boys will be boys.” They can’t help being carnally controlled, so women have to take the initiative to keep the guys from looking. If a man looks, it’s the woman’s responsibility to keep it from happening again. If he looks, it’s probably because she wasn't wearing enough clothes. If a man does more than look, then she was DEFINITELY scantily clad.

Don’t believe me? How many times have you heard “What was she wearing?” in regards to sexual assault?

Placing the burden of prevention on the woman is short-sited, one-sided, and wrong. Also, it’s unbiblical.

Oh, I know all the scriptures about modesty. I also know that many people don’t understand these scriptures very well themselves. They also cherry-pick what parts of the scripture they want to use, and what the meaning should really be. The scriptures on modesty (the one in Timothy is the one I hear used most often) tell the women not to braid their hair or wear gold jewelry, elaborate hairstyles, or gems. You see, this scripture is not telling women to cover up to keep men from sinning. The teaching here is more about not flaunting your wealth.

Jesus told men not to lust, and he did not follow this command by telling women not to show too much skin. The wording he used was a command to men to essentially not covet the woman’s body. It was the men’s responsibility to control themselves, not the women’s to control the men.

Men will lust regardless of what women are wearing. You can’t expect women to stop this. Placing dress codes on women and not trying to teach men to control themselves will not solve this.

Bombarding young girls with messages of shame about their bodies is one of the unhealthiest practices in the church today. For girls going through puberty, most already have body image issues. They are already hounded with images from the media of figures they will never measure up to. The church shouldn't be adding on to this insecurity by placing more shame.

I often worry about what I will teach my own children regarding this subject. How do you raise girls to be proud of their bodies, to wear what makes them comfortable, and to not let others shame them if guys find them attractive? I don’t think hard and fast, black and white dress codes are the answer.

How do you teach young men the difference between attraction and lust? How do you teach them to be respectful regardless of what they see in or out of the church?

I don’t have all the answers. I pray every day that rape culture will change before my future children are subjected to either side of it. This means no longer objectifying the female body and making it public property. If this makes me a feminist, so be it. I just hope it also means a better world for my future children.

Faith and Feminism

I am a Christian, but I am also a feminist. This may not seem like a big deal to some people. But where I come from, being a feminist is tantamount to being a God-hating, man-eating baby-killer. I've never understood why that is the case.

I am a feminist, but I do not automatically think that must mean I’m pro-choice, or that I can’t be a Christian anymore. I think people get confuse as to what being a “feminist” actually means, which is simply that I believe in the equality of the sexes.

I think God designed men and women as equals, and I believe that in practice as well as in theory. I've heard Christian men where I come from say on the one hand that men and women are equal, but in the same conversation ridicule a woman for being the type of woman who “don’t need no man.”

And I think to myself, wait a second…why is this a bad thing? Why should she need a man? Why does any grown person “need” someone else to take care of them? Why do we all automatically assume that single women are in need of rescuing, Christian or otherwise? What is so bad about a woman wanting to be independent, that it makes men feel threatened enough to lash out? Especially if that woman is a trusting believer in God, trusting that He will take care of her. Why should any Christian man feel threatened by that?

Recently I have started becoming more and more outspoken about feminism. I have started seeing flaws in the way that many Christians approach their treatment of women, particularly feminists, and I feel that this needs to change. Don’t get me wrong, the Church has come a long way. Many denominations now ordain women (even if sometimes the women have to fight for that ordination), and let women speak and hold office in Church.

However, many churches still see women as needing to be subservient to men. Women still receive messages that their bodies are somehow instruments used to lead men astray. The message of the submissive woman and the message of modesty have been twisted. And many women still don’t feel that they are in charge of their own body, especially in the church. I do not believe that this is what God originally intended.

The church is still falling short in its treatment of women, when it can and should be one of the main resources that women should be able to use to receive empowerment. If something as simple as a woman wanting to take care of herself is enough to offend anyone, something is terribly, terribly wrong. We as the body of God are supposed to be reaching out to the marginalized, just like Jesus did, not working hard to keep them where they are because we’re more comfortable with that.

I will be speaking more in depth on this subject in the coming weeks. Next week I will take an in-depth look at modesty, what the Bible says about it, what the church teaches today, and how our concept of it plays out in today’s culture. The Bible might say something different about it than you think it does.

Why I am No Longer Fundamental, Part 4

For my last part in this series I want to explain exactly what my beliefs are. I've been getting a lot of accusations of “Easy Christianity” and “relative truth,” etc. So since in my most recent post I laid out the basics of my observations of Fundamental Christianity, I’m going to now explain how I've learned to be a Christian without the Fundamentalism.

First, I’m going to tell you what my faith is not. This is not easy. How can it be? With the Christian circles I grew up in, and those with whom I am still in contact, many of them who are still devoutly Fundamental, what is so easy about declaring myself to not be Fundamental anymore? It never goes over very well. This is not Easy Christianity. This is also not what many of you have called “sloppy grace.”

For those of you who weren't raised with this kind of church vocabulary, let me explain what these accusations mean. “Easy Christianity” and “sloppy grace” refers to people who are Christian but who still sort of live as though they weren't. Other people see them as sinning freely without fear of consequences because they know that they will be forgiven.

This is not what I am doing, nor what I am advocating.

I have also not backslidden. I have not turned my back on God. I am not living a hedonistic life. I still have a relationship with God, and all my beliefs necessary to salvation (little Nazarene trivia for you there) are still wholly intact. In fact, my relationship with God is better now than it ever has been. I believe that this is due to the fact that I am no longer in constant fear of messing up. I am no longer obsessing about living up to everyone else’s standards, nor am I interested in keeping up appearances.

I no longer feel guilty every minute of every day for no reason at all (something I lived with for YEARS as a fundamentalist). This is the most freeing feeling I've ever had.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, let me tell you how I do live out my faith these days.

Today, I leave room for more grace (and again, I don’t mean that in an “I can do whatever I want” way). What it means is that I no longer think I have all the answers. Not from the Bible, not from theology, not from anywhere. I know that there are fundamental truths in the Bible. I know that there are all sorts of things that we can’t and shouldn't compromise on. I just don’t think that that’s the whole Bible, and that there are many gray areas in there, and that we shouldn't battle to the death over those gray areas here on earth. Rather, let’s extend a little more grace to everyone on these areas. Hold to your own convictions and beliefs, but don’t guilt others into doing the same, especially not people who aren't Christian.

Speaking of which…

STOP EXPECTING NON-CHRISTIANS TO ACT LIKE CHRISTIANS

STOP HOLDING NON-CHRISTIANS TO YOUR STANDARDS

There are very few things in this life that aggravate me more than when I see Christians judging and condemning non-Christians for living and acting like non-Christians. Friends, this accomplishes little more than making Christians look hateful, and that’s not what we’re called to do. Jesus said that the world will know us by our love, right? So let’s try a little more of that. I don’t think ministry and missions ever work out very well while using that tactic.

Think rather of Paul when he was in Athens (Acts 17). The story goes that he went there and saw that the city was FULL of idols. I don’t pretend to know exactly what this means. I believe Athens was a pretty big city, so I’m guessing there were quite a few of these idols. He was upset when he saw all these idols so he of course began preaching, and soon enough he had people asking him what on earth he was talking about. However, rather than give them an itemized list of all the ways they were sinning, he complimented them on how religious they were. Then he remarked upon one idol he had seen that read “To an Unknown God.” He used that as an inroad to teaching them the good news of the gospel, and the people were hooked (obviously not all, some of them “sneered” and walked away) and asked to talk to him again.

This, I believe, is an amazing example of how to speak with non-believers. How to build relationships. You can’t build a relationship with anyone by first tearing them down, telling them everything they believe is wrong, and giving them an itemized list of why they’re going to hell. Just doesn't make for a good introduction. And I don’t believe that any ministry is effective without first having a good relationship.

Friends, Fundamentalism is fast pushing away everyone it is purporting to love and reach out to. There have been hundreds of blogs and articles written about why people are leaving the church in droves, and I believe that this is one of the main reasons why. The hatred and divisiveness that naturally comes from this kind of extreme, unyielding mentality was bound to catch up to the church eventually.

This is why I am not a Fundamentalist anymore. And this is why I feel it necessary to use my experience and do what I can to heal that divide. There is a better way.