Why Dress Codes Don't Work

I believe in absolutes.

Many people no longer believe me when I say that because I've finally vocalized how, not only am I no longer a fundamentalist, but I am also a feminist.

But I do believe in absolutes.

Unfortunately, today I will not be talking about one of those absolutes.

Today I am talking about modesty.

I don't believe there are absolutes in modesty.

The definition of modest attire changes between historic periods, cultures, and religions. In some cultures, women don't wear shirts at all, and are not considered immodest. In some cultures, women would never dream of exposing their knees in public, but bare their mid-drifts on a regular basis.

At church camps when I was a teenager, we had a strict dress code, outline by the "Eight B's." I don't remember all eight things. I know some of them were that we weren't supposed to expose the belly button (even when raising our arms), bare shoulders, bra straps, bedroom wear (i.e. pajama bottoms), and many other things.

I think strict dress codes are ridiculous and sexist. I also believe they help perpetuate victim blaming and rape culture.

You see, at these camps I have referred to, the girls were expected to cover everything up. Whilst swimming, t-shirts had to be worn by the women at all times, sometimes even if she was wearing a one piece.

Guys could wear whatever.

The biggest fear of those running the camp was that the guys (who had separate swim times) would happen to glance over at the lake and see a woman in a bathing suit. It was the girls' job to cover up to keep the men from lusting after her body at this point.

This was one of the most confusing times of my young life. I constantly was barraged with this message, the message that the female form was inherently evil. This message was of course not often delivered in so many terms, but it was there all the same. I was constantly told that my Christian brothers would lust if they saw too much of my skin.

Guys could wear whatever when they went swimming. They were never even required to wear a shirt. When this was challenged, the answer was basically that “Well, girls shouldn't be looking/lusting anyway.” At the time, it seemed pretty logical to me.

Wait, WHAT???

Girls had to cover up EVERYTHING to protect the men, but girls shouldn't look AT ALL or be moved by what they see in any way at all??

Friends, this is what I have a problem with.

There’s this undercurrent in Christian and secular culture that basically says “Boys will be boys.” They can’t help being carnally controlled, so women have to take the initiative to keep the guys from looking. If a man looks, it’s the woman’s responsibility to keep it from happening again. If he looks, it’s probably because she wasn't wearing enough clothes. If a man does more than look, then she was DEFINITELY scantily clad.

Don’t believe me? How many times have you heard “What was she wearing?” in regards to sexual assault?

Placing the burden of prevention on the woman is short-sited, one-sided, and wrong. Also, it’s unbiblical.

Oh, I know all the scriptures about modesty. I also know that many people don’t understand these scriptures very well themselves. They also cherry-pick what parts of the scripture they want to use, and what the meaning should really be. The scriptures on modesty (the one in Timothy is the one I hear used most often) tell the women not to braid their hair or wear gold jewelry, elaborate hairstyles, or gems. You see, this scripture is not telling women to cover up to keep men from sinning. The teaching here is more about not flaunting your wealth.

Jesus told men not to lust, and he did not follow this command by telling women not to show too much skin. The wording he used was a command to men to essentially not covet the woman’s body. It was the men’s responsibility to control themselves, not the women’s to control the men.

Men will lust regardless of what women are wearing. You can’t expect women to stop this. Placing dress codes on women and not trying to teach men to control themselves will not solve this.

Bombarding young girls with messages of shame about their bodies is one of the unhealthiest practices in the church today. For girls going through puberty, most already have body image issues. They are already hounded with images from the media of figures they will never measure up to. The church shouldn't be adding on to this insecurity by placing more shame.

I often worry about what I will teach my own children regarding this subject. How do you raise girls to be proud of their bodies, to wear what makes them comfortable, and to not let others shame them if guys find them attractive? I don’t think hard and fast, black and white dress codes are the answer.

How do you teach young men the difference between attraction and lust? How do you teach them to be respectful regardless of what they see in or out of the church?

I don’t have all the answers. I pray every day that rape culture will change before my future children are subjected to either side of it. This means no longer objectifying the female body and making it public property. If this makes me a feminist, so be it. I just hope it also means a better world for my future children.